Duality.
On a good day, I feel like a magician. On a bad day, I feel like a fraud. On the day these photos were taken, I could have passed for a magician. Today, the lesser of my dual spirits came forth. I tried in vain to stuff it back up my sleeve like some sort of magic handkerchief, but much like the unruly rabbit who can’t sit still long enough for the ruse to be completed, today my true state of being revealed itself to me before I could trick myself into believing differently – I am a pauper, dressing as a princess. I have many fine things, much of which was inherited by family, and the rest of which was discovered amongst the piles of shit collecting dust in endless Idaho thrift stores, but none of these beautiful possessions can transform my reality…….
Today I sold a gold charm given to me by my mother. Sometimes one must release possessions from that sentimental grip in order to move forward, and I take today’s experience as a reminder of that fact. After all, food, electricity and heat are infinitely more important than a golden charm….
I am supremely blessed by the many family heirlooms I have the good fortune to hold in my hands every day. The stunning jet beads I am wearing in these photos, for example – these were my great-grandmother’s, and I will never part with them. But sometimes the little things, such as a charm that one never wears, must be sacrificed in order to continue the day-to-day. Ultimately, I feel blessed beyond measure, and this small gesture of release will help propel me – and my dualistic spirit – toward a better circumstance.
Earrings: gold, jet – by Hazel Cox.
Necklace: jet – circa 1920. Once belonged to my great-grandmother.
Ring 1: elk ivory, diamond, gold.
Ring 2: gold, diamond.
Ring 3: onyx, gold.
Coat: wool – L.C. Mae (made in USA). Killer thrift store find.
Clutch: leather – purchased on some side street store in NYC.
Boots: leather – not sure on the brand, they just say “made in Canada”. I’ll take it.
Blouse: silk – INC. Purchased at a thrift store.
Skirt: polyester – J Crew. Purchased at a thrift store.
It’s funny…I think I was between poses in this shot, thinking about what to do next, but Bethany captured my mood perfectly here – poised, but accepting of surrender. I never was very good at hiding my emotions…….but my expression is humble, which is beautiful.
