My stepfather died when I was 24, leaving me with a few precious possessions to remember him by – the skull of a bear he shot when he was not much older than me, the buck knife he so often used to gut the deer and elk he hunted each year, and an elk ivory, cut from the gums of one of those kills.
For those who don’t know, an elk ivory is what remains of what was once a set of tusks. Elk are long-evolved creatures, and have roamed this country for eons. Their prehistoric predecessors had longish tusks that protruded from their upper lip, which they used to spar and defend themselves against predators much larger and more vicious than man’s rifle. Now that those predators no longer exist, there remains no need for elk tusks. All that’s left of those magnificent protrusions are tiny nubbins of ivory above the incisors – a beautiful, subtle reminder of the elk’s evolutionary journey.
A few months before Charley’s cancer got the best of him, I asked if I could select an ivory from his collection – he kept his dozen or so ivories in a little glass jar in his nightstand drawer. Carefully laying each ivory out on the dining room table, Charley told me the story of every hunt and which elk the ivories came from. After considering each one, he finally selected the one for me – a smooth, creamy white oval that looked a bit like an egg.
After Charley’s death, I had the ivory set in a ring. I’ve worn that ring every day for the last five years, and this weekend I lost it. It’s difficult to explain how out of sorts I am without that ring in my life. I know it sounds cliché, but I feel incomplete…..I’ll be going about my day, running errands or at work, when suddenly I’m overwhelmed by the knowledge that I’m missing an invaluable piece of my life. I have to believe it will come back to me, but until then I’m stuck in purgatory, not knowing where it is or when I’ll see it again.
And just for good measure, my partner and I are in the process of trying to purchase the piece of property pictured in this post, which is next door to our home. We have ambitious dreams of turning this dilapidated old cottage into a greenhouse/apartment, with a tree house and a community garden. But trying to prove to a bank that you’re worthy of a loan when most of your income comes from one-off jobs and contract work is harder than running uphill backward and blindfolded. I think that’s the most wearisome aspect of being in purgatory – trying to prove oneself worthy of advancing to a state of serenity.
About the outfit: When dressing for a stay in purgatory, it’s best to wear sturdy boots and warm, comfortable, slightly mannish wool pants. Leather boots by Frye ($120 new), wool pants by Talbot’s ($2 at thrift store), wool sweater by Guinevere ($20 new, on clearance at Anthropologie), silk camisole by Victoria’s Secret (gift).
About the jewelry: My incredibly lovely necklace is a 1920’s piece that used to belong to Kim’s grandmother. Being the fantastic woman that she is, she gave it to me! I love how it mimics the appearance of a tie and completes the men’s fashion-inspired look of this outfit. My ring is silver and tourmalinated quartz; watch an antique Voumard; and earrings silver studs found at a thrift store.
Many thanks to Kelly Lynae for these wonderful photos, and for helping me style this week’s outfit. For more men’s fashion-inspired looks, check out her Monday post with Nicole.
And just for good measure, please, dear readers, be on the lookout for the ring pictured below. I miss it dearly……..
