Blast you, global-lukewarmed weather. I think all the FU girls stateside of Thailand are feeling the wardrobe blahs of the winter. Funkopolitan, I tell you what. For some reason winter, especially this neurotic winter of blinding sun but blistering air, makes me feel like I’m in a fog of slow-moving bad fashion attitude.

But you know what helps? Wearing a blanket, and fuzzies, and armor.

Shuddup. So what if I’ve also been wearing these Blank black bleached legging-jeans ($5, 50% off at outdoor rack at LUX) for a week now straight. They go with everything. And no one sees the stains. The Merrell fleece-lined black boots ($9, REI garage sale) save my wimpy feet almost everyday, too.

Whatchyoolookinat? An Orange/pink reversable black pashmina with silver stiching (gift from Istanbul). This classy-as-all-get-out wool scarf lets me get away with wearing a fashionable blanket and then draping it however the hell I want to keep out the cold/onlookers. Holla. I try to keep it rolled up at the ready in my Mary Poppins’ Thai carpet bag (see below) at all times.

I got this warming vision about 7 years ago, when a friend of mine visited Turkey. I specifically requested a “classy pashmina” as an I-took-care-of-your-houseplants present. Spot on. This is the scarf I thought I lost on my recent sickly birthday at Boise Guest House, but they found it behind a dresser a week later. Holla get well birthday.

Meh. Let’s liven up the lackluster, shall we, with fuzzies. Neiman-Marcus vintage cream cashmere sweater ($2.99, thrift store; made in Hong Kong circa 1970s) and cream leggings ($2.99, Grocery Outlet). Gah. I love finding cashmere for peanuts at thrift stores. Mood on the rise.

When all else fails, this Armor Bijoux silver and glass antique from 1920s Afghanistan ($$$, Armor Bijoux by Bethany Walter) catches the glint in your, or at least someone’s, eye and makes you feel that much more blindingly powerful.

Alright, little red riding hood, I acquise, you’re lookin’ good. L.L. Bean knitted red and black wool sweater (?, purchased in high school when I was trying to be all Mormon-prep and now falling apart but more lovely for it) and the infamous Mary Poppins’ carpet bag (gift from Kim and the queen of Thailand-I’ll explain some other time) that holds the secret to all mysteries and knickknacks and writerly supplies and handiness and also the universe.

So, this outfit is pretty much everything a big bad winter could want. Woooh.

Photography by the show-and-cold-stopping Kelly Lynae. And thank you Bethany Walter for my last photo.