sweater | Frivolous Universe

Bidet lost in translation

By: Bethany Walter

23-03-2012

This last Tuesday made me think of Russia. Not for any real good reason but because it seems like the romantic place to think of when winter is slapping you in the face.

green beret, striped scarf, thrift store outfit, hounds tooth polyester pants, black wedged boots

XL brown sweater: Stan Sport, thrift store
Hounds tooth polyester pants: Home sewn, thrift store
Black leather woven belt: thrift store

When I was 20 I actually traveled to Russia with my parents and stayed for two weeks, one week in Moscow and one week in St. Petersburg.

Kate Landry beret and BDG linen striped scarf

Wool beret: Kate Landry, Dillard’s clearance
Linen black and white striped scarf: BDG

Most people ask why Russia. Don’t tell but my family used to belong to the Society for Creative Anachronisms. What? Basically it is a group similar to those in Renaissance fairs but instead it is a group that recreates medieval times. The other difference is it tends to be a private group that anyone can join but generally is not set up to entertain the public. And no, it isn’t larping. The interesting thing about this group is that it attracts either very intellectual and historical nerds or the incredibly randy type with low IQ’s. My parents fit into the nerdy type interested in Russian history and literature.

Linen black and white striped scarf: BDG
Black wedge booties: Denna & Ozzy

While in in Russia, my family and I were fortunate enough to have our own personal guide rather than having to be herded around with other tourists. Our guide’s name was Tatjana and an 18 year old university student studying to be a hotel manager.

Afghanistan silver vintage swan earrings

Vintage silver earrings: Afghanistan, Armor Bijoux

One evening, after a week and a half of staying in hotels, I asked Tatjana what she would change about the hotels we had been staying at. She told me that even though they were five star hotels with feathered beds and running hot water that she was surprised that there were not any bidets.

Bidets?

The word bidet was lost in translation. Trying to understand, I asked her to describe what she was talking about. Putting it in delicate terms, she told me it was something that shoots water out and you clean with it. I told her that it seemed like a sink could serve the same purpose. She gasped and went into a long rant about how she thought it was disgusting that Americans just used toilet paper. To her it was the same as wiping excrement off of ones arm without washing and then going about ones business.

Tatjana soon after changed the topic to her and I sneaking out to the night clubs. Looking at a map, all we’d have to do was walk 20 blocks, cross a giant bridge, which was scheduled to close at 4 a.m., and head another five blocks. Sure sounded exciting but after the long and confused bidet conversation I decided things could get a little dangerous. Tatjana took her switch blade with her and left on her own.

Photographer and painter: Marcus Pierce
Photoshop work: Me

Stay clean comrades.

Comments

Winter blahs bested by blankets, fuzzies, armor and Mary Poppins’ carpet bag

By: Jessica Holmes

23-02-2012

Jessica

Blast you, global-lukewarmed weather. I think all the FU girls stateside of Thailand are feeling the wardrobe blahs of the winter. Funkopolitan, I tell you what. For some reason winter, especially this neurotic winter of blinding sun but blistering air, makes me feel like I’m in a fog of slow-moving bad fashion attitude.

But you know what helps? Wearing a blanket, and fuzzies, and armor.

Shuddup. So what if I’ve also been wearing these Blank black bleached legging-jeans ($5, 50% off at outdoor rack at LUX) for a week now straight. They go with everything. And no one sees the stains. The Merrell fleece-lined black boots ($9, REI garage sale) save my wimpy feet almost everyday, too.

Whatchyoolookinat? An Orange/pink reversable black pashmina with silver stiching (gift from Istanbul). This classy-as-all-get-out wool scarf lets me get away with wearing a fashionable blanket and then draping it however the hell I want to keep out the cold/onlookers. Holla. I try to keep it rolled up at the ready in my Mary Poppins’ Thai carpet bag (see below) at all times.

I got this warming vision about 7 years ago, when a friend of mine visited Turkey. I specifically requested a “classy pashmina” as an I-took-care-of-your-houseplants present. Spot on. This is the scarf I thought I lost on my recent sickly birthday at Boise Guest House, but they found it behind a dresser a week later. Holla get well birthday.

Meh. Let’s liven up the lackluster, shall we, with fuzzies. Neiman-Marcus vintage cream cashmere sweater ($2.99, thrift store; made in Hong Kong circa 1970s) and cream leggings ($2.99, Grocery Outlet). Gah. I love finding cashmere for peanuts at thrift stores. Mood on the rise.

When all else fails, this Armor Bijoux silver and glass antique from 1920s Afghanistan ($$$, Armor Bijoux by Bethany Walter) catches the glint in your, or at least someone’s, eye and makes you feel that much more blindingly powerful.

Alright, little red riding hood, I acquise, you’re lookin’ good. L.L. Bean knitted red and black wool sweater (?, purchased in high school when I was trying to be all Mormon-prep and now falling apart but more lovely for it) and the infamous Mary Poppins’ carpet bag (gift from Kim and the queen of Thailand-I’ll explain some other time) that holds the secret to all mysteries and knickknacks and writerly supplies and handiness and also the universe.

So, this outfit is pretty much everything a big bad winter could want. Woooh.

Photography by the show-and-cold-stopping Kelly Lynae. And thank you Bethany Walter for my last photo.

Comments

Under the Weather

By: Jessica Holmes

26-01-2012

Jessica

I don’t get sick very often (unless I am drinking wine, then it is a morning-time certainty; if only I would remember that lesson about the doom of repeated history), but I’ve realized that when I do fall ill my fashion sense follows under-the-weather guidelines, such as: “What is warm?” and also “What is easy to put on?” and sometimes “What does not make me want to puke?”The answer: this. If I drank less wine last night at the Serious Bad Ass Writing Club I would find each garment on the floor and tell you their brand names. But I can start from rock bottom (as usual) with green wool hiking socks and Frye boots.
The underlayer, a faux animal print in orange and gray, is over a cream Kenzie wool blend knit sweater. (You may remember this from O Holey Night.)

The wool skirt is from a thrift store. I originally thought it was too big for me but it looks pretty great hitting right at the calf, and keeps me warm as poop.
Unintentionally, my slip kept slipping past my hemline, which ended up adding to the whole effect.
See, fashion is also for the sick, and the self-destructive. (Sometimes simultaneously.) To your health!